They brought out the prankster in me. If I had been the moderator, I would have thrown the boys a curve ball in the presidential debate. With a twinkle in my eye, I would have switched it up to something neither side expected … but everyone would benefit from.
All questions would have been about the other guy. Not what they were doing wrong. But what they were doing brilliantly: “Mr. Vice President, what do you appreciate most about how Mr. President handled the pandemic?” “Mr. President, what do you respect most about Obamacare health plan?” “Mr. Vice President, what are the qualities you admire in Mr. President, that got him voted in?” “Mr. President what is Mr. Vice President’s best idea on climate change?” And so on.
Haha, there may have been total stunned silence for 2 or MANY more minutes!! But eventually a good point would be made. And a bridge built.
If you work with horses, it is only common sense. Want to bring out the best or the worst in a 1200# flight or fight animal? Bringing out the best is called ‘positive reinforcement training’. When you see a behavior you like, you reward it. ‘Affirmative training’ takes it a step further, adding support to build confidence.
Works with dogs, horses, partners, children, friends, strangers … even enemies. Everyone loves a pat on the back. But it can feel just as good to give one as get one. When that sweet spot is reached, both parties look for another opportunity. That feels even better. Say, like a scratch!
Ok, now we are healing the world at the same time as we are bringing out the brilliance in one another and working together for solutions.
The more genuine the praise, the better the results. All of us can see through a fake compliment polluted with agenda. ‘Positive reinforcement’ is NOT the same as manipulating everyone to be the same as us. Imposing “My way, the right way, the only way, the highway” is the root of almost all wars between people. And conflict between humans and animals who do not fully understand each other’s ways.
We are all different for a reason. That reason is to bring all our gifts to the world. When we raise one another up, it brings the next best thing that is possible out of each of us.
Ever been around someone so interested in what you have to say that you tap into ideas so brilliant they surprise you? Ever been so captivated listening to what another species has to offer, that your perceptive abilities expand into an entirely new way of being in the world? Bringing forth one another’s genius is highly rewarding for both parties.
All of us can do more together than alone. We have a certain degree of strength on our own. Even more with the love of a parent, spouse, cat, horse or political party. But it is an entirely different league to have the strength of the people, animals, and land behind us. Backing us, as part of us. This level of power and sovereign leadership can only happen when we are interested in not just the other guys gifts. Or just our own. But the best of all.
That moment when we enjoy scratching as much as being scratched … where the best of both parties meets in the middle … creating something new as the genius of differences … that portal is when connection becomes the future of medicine.
(Photo credit: Dr. Penny with Kathy & Apple scratching one another’s backs.)